Revival Blues!
by Zephyr Overlord
Summary: It is done. The Black Mage has been revived. But has he been completely restored? And what the hell is he doing on Maple Island? -sanity not included-


The three Black Mage commanders were gathered at the Temple of Time, where their master had been sealed away long ago. His throne was still there, untouched by time, his chains lying broken all over the floor. The place still reeked of dark magic, but to them, the scent was a fragrant aroma.

"Let's begin the ritual," Arkarium rumbled, stroking his luscious beard thoughtfully. Damien, the newest commander, frowned in distaste. The younger demon brother had never liked Arkarium, that snaky old geezer. There were rumors that he had a part time job as a producer of bestiality hentai, and Damien would rather not get involved in that if possible. He shuddered as the old man's snake cast him a… _lecherous _glare, averting his gaze quickly.

Magnus yawned, the Nova exile picking his nose with his left hand while his sword was in his right. He was only here because he wanted more power – all the better to crush that newly-reincarnated bastard Kaiser and his damn pink sidekick. Also, his butt had broken out in rashes recently due to an infection from sitting on a throne for too long. Luckily, his tail was long enough to scratch his buttocks for him, giving him much relief.

Hilla stepped forward, the ex-priestess of Azwan tracing an intricate seal in the air. As she stretched, Damien shivered again as Arkarium's eyes were immediately drawn to her belly as her top jumped up. _Damn it, does this old man have no tact?_

"The revival will quite possibly drain us of all our power for a long time to come," Hilla warned. "There are only four of us present – Von Leon is in no state to come, Orchid and Lotus have deserted, Guwaru is missing-" she cast a dirty glare at Magnus, who shrugged indifferently – "and you all know what happened to our demonic friend." She licked her lips at Damien, who tried very hard to hide his nervousness. _Why is everyone in this organization so perverted? _he thought exasperatedly, blaming this on his devilishly good looks.

"Pour forth your power, gentlemen," the priestess said silkily, as the seal in the air began to pulse with red light. Stepping back, Hilla raised her hand into the air as she began to glow with a crimson aura that was steadily being sucked into the seal. Nodding, the other three commanders lifted their hands and released their powers, feeding the seal with even more magic power.

They stood in that position for several minutes as the seal absorbed their power, Arkarium never taking his eyes off Hilla's body. The snake winked at Damien. The half-demon wanted to stop the ritual and run for his virginity. Magnus was grinning like a maniac, tail still faithfully scratching his… nether regions. Hilla seemed to enjoy the attention and flaunted her body even more, which made Damien more than a bit queasy at the sight of Arkarium's rape face.

Finally, the seal stopped pulsing, and the magical leeching ceased. The four commanders gasped in relief, their magic energies almost completely exhausted. In fact, Damien felt that if he tried to supply the seal with any more energy, the magic would be drawn directly from him life force. Thankfully, like the other three commanders, he was near-immortal and had nearly boundless energy within their mortal bodies – the mere fact that this seal had exhausted them was proof that reviving the Black Mage was no easy task.

Arkarium was (very badly) trying to hide the fact that Hilla's sweaty body and sexy gasps of breath were turning him on. Damien stiffened (you decide what I mean by _that_) and managed to ask "What happens now?"

"This is… most odd." Arkarium admitted. "That sigil should have completely removed the seal that binds the Black Mage. He should be appearing any minute now…"

And so they waited. Yet nothing happened. Damien began to feel that he had gone through all that torture for nothing. Arkarium was ogling Hilla again. The Azwan priestess was reading a book – "_Taking Over The World For Dummies"_. Magnus was picking his nose.

"I'm tired of this." Damien announced finally, his frustrated expression betraying his anger. "I'm leaving."

Suddenly, there was a great light shining over them. Black lightning flickered all over the place as thunder roared, illuminating them in an evil light. The aura of evil was so thick that you could scoop it up and use it as an ice-cream topping. Arkarium was so surprised he actually stopped looking at Hilla for a few seconds to witness the return of his master…

…yet, besides that display, nothing happened. The lightning and thunder and all that jazz, faded, leaving behind a very annoyed Damien, a yawning Magnus and two bewildered commanders. The half-demon cursed under his breath and turned, leaving the chamber. "_To think I missed the latest episode of Vampire Knight for this,_" he muttered as he vanished behind the huge stone doors.

"If that's all, I'll be following in our little friend's footsteps. I have a Kaiser whose wings I must rip off and hang upon a flag pole while I drape my dinner table with his hide and season my meat with his fresh blood," Magnus said airily.

Somewhere in Orbis, Kyle sneezed in the middle of furiously masturbating to Angelic Buster pornography.

Magnus chuckled at the thought and turned to leave, but Arkarium was in front of him all of a sudden, glaring at him with a red glow in his eyes.

"You will stay," he bellowed, "and aid in the revival of our master, or I will fill your body with so many snakes that it would make even Orochimaru shudder."

Magnus briefly wondered who Orochimaru was, before something within him told him it was a Maple World thing and he wisely avoided the subject. "I'd like to see you try," the dragon-man sneered, raising his glowing blue sword. Arkarium's glare grew even hotter, red sparks flying in the air as he raised his staff-

"That's quite enough, dears." At the sound of Hilla's soft, seductive voice, Arkarium's gaze immediately softened. Somewhere else, he hardened, but that's something your imagination will have to think of. "We can't afford to waste time on petty disputes. The ritual went off without a hitch. We made sure of that. However, it seems the energy we provided was not enough to bring our master back. You'll be back some other day to try again, right, Magnus dear?"

Upon hearing her words, Magnus scoffed. "Pah! He's _your _master, not mine. I care not about his fate. If that's all, I'm going back. Kaisers don't just kill themselves…" He paused for effect. "Oh wait… _they do!_" The dragon-man suddenly bent over laughing, his cackles of madness echoing throughout the hall. "Ha! Get it? The previous Kaiser blew himself up! Hilarious, right?"

The other two commanders just stared at him blankly.

"Oh. Well, I guess you had to be there to get it." He began to walk off, his armor making clinking sounds. "See you around, old man Arkarium. And…" the Heliseum traitor smirked, looking straight at Hilla, "auntie Hilla."

The scream of rage the priestess released could be heard all over Leafre. The next day, several horribly mangled adventurers could be found dead in the jungle, the result of a certain woman's venting.

_Hell hath no fury like Hilla's age insulted,_ Arkarium reminded himself, flipping casually through last month's issue of _Pimp My Beard._

* * *

He was back.

He could feel it. He had been released. Released from that infernal prison, where all he had to do every day was write down various ways to brutally torture those damned '_heroes_' that had sealed him away. He had just reached Method No. 738658793 as of several minutes ago. He checked in his pocket. Yes, that dragonskin notebook was still there. He smirked. Time to practice them on a guinea pig or two. Or three. _Or five million._

He breathed in the fresh air, marveling at how long it had been since he had tasted the air of life. Ah, how fresh. He would make sure to burn every single tree he saw later.

_The Black Mage loves explosions._

Yes, he was the Black Mage. The enemy of all those who cherished life, the one whose lives so many had sacrificed to defeat, the one who was second to none in terms of evilness level (except maybe Black Mage x Luminous yaoi writers).

One might argue that Gerald Darmoor was more evil, but whoever disputed that fact would have been swiftly disintegrated into their constituent elements and sent to another dimension, populated by flesh-eating Teletubbies.

_All that the Black Mage says is indisputable._

He shook his head regally, reveling in the texture of his robes. Ah, it had been far too long since he had last felt his beloved drapes! He had dyed it blood red with actual human blood. The Black Mage's eyes narrowed in disgust/pleasure. He still remembered Aria's screams as if they were yesterday…

He looked around, wondering where he was. There was green grass everywhere, wild flowers blooming in the fields, and hundred year old trees springing from the earth. _So much to destroy, but so little time! The Black Mage does not waste time, _he thought to himself, referring to himself in third person. All badasses refer to themselves in third person. The Black Mage was well aware of that.

You shouldn't try to argue, it's hazardous for your health.

_And your soul._

Robes flapping in the breeze, he walked forward with a spring in his stride. He could easily levitate instead, but he was in a good mood. Things died when the Black Mage was in a good mood.

_Things died no matter what mood the Black Mage is in,_ he reminded himself. All that time in captivity must have thrown his mind out of focus. Not that it was possible. The Black Mage was always focused on destruction. It was the whole reason he existed, none of that Transcendence of Light crap.

There was a woman hanging her clothes on a nearby hill. _Wonderful, a target to destroy! _He couldn't resist a wicked smile as he raised his right hand, clawed index finger pointed straight at the unsuspecting lady, ready to unleash a focused stream of dark magic to entirely erase her from the material plane…

But the magic never came. The overpowering sense of magic waiting to be released from within him was missing. The aura of destruction that always surrounded him was gone. The Black Mage was filled with dread, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at his once-powerful hands.

…_I am level 1…_

His hands clenched into fists like never before. Fury filled every ounce of his being. If he had his former power, he was sure that _everything _within a radius of fifty miles would be nothing but ashes right now. He couldn't even _levitate _for Rhinne's sake!

Speaking of Rhinne, the power of time had been lost as well. He was powerless. The Black Mage, the greatest villain this world had ever seen, was no more dangerous than a common beginner. He closed his eyes, breathing in and out steadily. _Come on, the Black Mage can do this… just count to ten, and everlasting power will once again be obtained…_

He counted to forty-five thousand, eight hundred and sixty-six just to be sure, but no power returned. The Black Mage's patience had run out.

_Whoever revived me will pay for this treachery._


End file.
